Fear
Posted by Absar | Posted in Life And Love, Society | Posted on 10-02-2008
Tags: life, Philosophy
15
I have a theory. About why people care. For one thing, I don’t think people care, in the perfect sense of the word. Why do people care what other people think of them? Or even should they? As I said, in the perfect sense of the word, we don’t. The only thing we really care about is that if other people don’t see us positively, if they don’t trust us, then we won’t be able to use them. Whether it is to pull some strings, speed up a process at work, or just for good old emotional or moral support. We just want to make sure we can use people when we need to.
There’s nothing wrong with it. This is just how society works, and even though we may find this thought appalling at first, on a subconscious level everybody feels this way – we all do this. And this is why, for most people, opening up to new people is easier. Because those new people are insignificant to their lives. But when those people become significant, and we truly begin to care, that is when humanity takes over in the form of fear. Fear of being judged by those people. The fear of having a distance injected between you and them.
It’s good though that most people don’t realize this. As long as our social defects are hidden from us, we can continue to pretend that we care. We can continue to debunk the decay of sincerity in our lives.
Dude! I and House (with a bit of Allen Shore here and there) have started to rub off on you. (And not in that really sick kinda way either)
Man you just took words out of my mouth (or mind)
Yes people dont care! But They Do care about one thing, Themselves. And the problem is that we are bo longer ignorant about the human an social behaviour. increasing numbers are starting to realize this whether by education or exposure. Nothing is new either. There explodes a bomb in saddar and the parents say dont go there for two days rather than having stapled a big exclamation mark on there faces.
I m telling you innocence is completely lost. It should have been replaced by courage but there is nt any anymore. What is left is a void.
Fear of being judged……tell me about it!!!
Hmmm…are you on a holiday?
I am a silent reader and I usually don’t comment unless i have to… you figured out the answers to your question..have you figured out the reason behind this fear? if so than I’m very much interested in knowing your theory..
@Safiullah: No ones rubbing off on me man
@Hera: I know. People who claim not to care what everybody thinks – they’re the worst kind, because they’re putting on that image so that people will think highly of them.
@SAWJ: Lol! No man, in fact no time really on my hands. I’m the only one at the office these days who knows what this project is about – the lead engineer on this one just went on an emergency leave, and I have to deal with everything. AED.13m dubo duunga mein bethay bethay!
@Lubna: Isn’t that what the post was about? Using people. To be able to use people, you need to have their trust. (Or some deep dirt
)
But you know what, the answer to ‘why’ isn’t as useful as the answer to ‘how’. So I even answer my ‘why’s as I would my ‘how’s. Because ‘why’ doesn’t really matter – we’re not a very reasonable race, now are we? We can simply not generalize human behavior. No matter how generic a certain quality may be among people, there will always be people who deviate. And I’m sure some out there really do care. And those are the people that should be wiped off the Earth, if only to level the playing field.
From “Gift From The Sea”
by Anne Morrow Lindbergh (b.1906)
“When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same
way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend
to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in
the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide
and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on
permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in
life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom, in the sense that the
dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or
expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in
looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in
dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it
as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what
they are here and now, within their limits – islands, surrounded and
interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.”
This is again a “how it should be” , here goes:-
From “The Prophet”
by Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)
“Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love
and reap with thanksgiving. And he is your board and your fireside. For you
come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind,
nor do you with hold the “aye.” And when he is silent your heart ceases not to
listen to his heart; For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires,
all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most
in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer
from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit. For
love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net
cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend. If he must know the ebb of your tide, let
him know its flood also. For what is your friend that you should seek him with
hours to kill? Seek him always with hours to live. For it is his to fill your
need, but not your emptiness. And in the sweetness of friendship let there be
laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart
finds its morning and is refreshed.”
Khalil Gibran is too idealist for anybody’s taste.
Even so our strive for the idea brings about the best (and the worst) in us. If it was nt for the pursuit of the ideal, we would nt have the man on the moon or the mona lisa, nor we would have had Auschwitz and Hitler.
What one needs to be is a realist. We use each other, not cuz we are mean, but cuz we need to. We are not self sufficient. And as long as we balance our needs to our usage, the society remains at peace. Problems arise when this equilibrium is distrubed, either when we start taking our friends for granted, or we start hogging and not share when the other needs us.
Fear..mhmm
People care..not to use others…but to be useful to others. That gives them inner satisfaction…a life of purpose.
If I want to use someone..I will use him/her anyways whether I care or not.
thats very well said my friend…very well said…
@Naureen:
You read WAY too much 
@Safiullah: Okay, we’ll talk when I’ve connected all the dots
@Qurrat: Hmmm…?
@Zios: As I commented elsewhere, why do people jump out when someone terms their affection as ‘use’? People shouldn’t have a problem with being used, they should have a problem with being manipulated.
@UTP: Thanks.
AED .13m???
Not .13m, 13m.
waah waah waah